Why a Victim of a Romance Scam Will Dismiss the Red Flags and Only Observe What She Believes to Be the Green Flags

Jane spent 17 months talking to her scammer. “I suffered horrific domestic violence, which I survived.  This left me so vulnerable to a romance scammer.  I’m still attached to him, needing his hugs. Even though the red flags are there, the green flags won.  I am grieving a love that I thought would take me to the end.”

In the world of online dating, romance scams have become a significant threat, exploiting the emotional vulnerabilities of individuals. One puzzling aspect of these scams is why victims often dismiss obvious red flags and focus solely on perceived green flags.

Romance scammers are adept at emotional manipulation and use sophisticated psychological tactics to deceive their victims. They often create a sense of urgency, making victims feel that they must act quickly to help their "partner" in distress. This urgency can cloud judgment and make it difficult for victims to recognize red flags.

Scammers invest time in building a deep emotional connection with their victims, often over several months. They use techniques like love-bombing, where they shower the victim with affection, compliments, and promises of a future together. This intense emotional engagement creates a strong bond, making it difficult for victims to see the scammer's true intentions.

The use of similarity and liking principles also plays a crucial role. Scammers meticulously craft their fake identities to match the victim's interests, values, and desires, making the victim feel understood and valued.

This perceived compatibility reinforces the victim's belief in the authenticity of the relationship, causing them to overlook inconsistencies and red flags.

Many victims of romance scams are emotionally vulnerable, often due to loneliness. Scammers prey on this vulnerability by providing the emotional connection and companionship that the victim craves. The promise of a loving relationship can be so compelling that victims are willing to ignore red flags to maintain the connection.

Once a victim has made small commitments, such as sending a small amount of money or sharing personal information, they are more likely to continue complying with larger requests. This incremental approach makes it difficult for victims to back out, as they feel invested in the relationship and want to remain consistent with their previous actions.

When confronted with red flags, victims may experience denial and self-blame. Admitting that they have been scammed can be emotionally devastating, leading to feelings of shame and embarrassment. To protect themselves from these painful emotions, victims may rationalize the scammer's behaviour and focus on the green flags that reinforce their belief in the relationship.

It is important to understand why victims of romance scams dismiss red flags and focus on perceived green flags.  By understanding the complex interplay of emotional manipulation, cognitive biases, and psychological tactics used by scammers and the building of a false sense of trust, exploiting emotional vulnerabilities, and leveraging principles of commitment and consistency, scammers create a powerful illusion of a genuine relationship.  The relationship has deep impact on the victims.  

Understanding these dynamics, we can better protect ourselves and others from falling prey to these manipulative schemes. Recognizing the signs of emotional manipulation and maintaining a healthy scepticism can help prevent the devastating consequences of romance scams.